This isn’t funny anymore 

I know what I want and I know how much I want it. It’s not even that I want it or pictured that life but I fell into it and love him so much it’s worth it and has become what I want. I wouldn’t change it. 
But sometimes I just don’t want to do anhhhng and don’t want to think about him and just want a break where I can just shut down and not have to deal with anything ever again. 

It’s so difficult, I don’t know what to do. I love him and I never want to end it ever. I dont imagine a life without him. But I dont want to.. I don’t know what I don’t want… I don’t want to feel this insecure and stressed when I know there is no need to be. I feel like my brain is just sabotaging my life 

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